Marlene
by OnceInAFarawayPlace
Summary: She had a life, friends, family, hopes, dreams... Yet at the push of a button it was all ripped away. Marlene's POV on her final minutes.


I awake to find myself alone. Panic rising in my throat, I sit bolt upright, scanning for Uriah, before realising he probably went to clear his head. He always has to be _doing_ something when he's upset or angry, and right now he's probably upset over Lynn acting all weird, on top of everything else. I laugh at myself, out loud to try to calm my frantic heartbeat that's screaming at me to go _see _him. To hold him in my arms and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is safe. Well, as safe as you get in the middle of a war. Sliding the knife I picked up in my panic into my back pocket, I stand, kicking on my boots. I attempt to put Lynn out of my mind for the moment- I want a clear head if I'm going to wander around the Dauntless compound in the dark. Walking out the room, I hesitate, unsure of where I want to go. The dorms seem like a good place to check first, as they are more or less on the way down to the training rooms, another of his favourite places. I close the door to Zeke's room where we spent the night and start down the hallway, still scanning for dangers. I almost laugh at myself again; I never used to be this paranoid. Faster and faster I walk, until I finally reach the door. Easing it open, I walk between the bunks, checking them, trying to be quiet so I don't startle anyone and end up with a butter knife in my eye like that transfer boy. I reach the end of the room having only caught glimpses of bodies, Zeke's arm, Hector's leg, Christina's hair, but no Uriah. I turn to leave, but my body doesn't respond. Panic rising again, I try lifting my arm. Nothing. I can't move. Not my legs. Not my fingertips. Not my lips. Nothing. Rustling starts behind me and my body finally turns, although I haven't asked it to. In front of me with their backs to me stand Hector and Kee. Lynn's little brother and a girl I used to babysit. _This is bad. _I tell myself. _This is really really bad. _We start forward in a line, but I move with an awkward, jerky step; not at all like my usual bouncy walk. From the corner of my eyes I see Christina jump from her bunk and stare at us.  
'Marlene?' she says almost hesitantly, but my body continues forward. She leans forward, grabbing my arm and stopping me. I notice that Hector and Kee stop, too. My head pivots towards Christina and I finally get a good look at her. She wears a too-big t-shirt that looks like it used to belong to someone else and her eyes are wide and frightened. She opens her mouth to speak but my lips move first, forming words that are not my own.  
'I have a message for the Divergent.' My voice comes out all monotone and I realise two things at once. One, I am under a simulation. Two, I am under said simulation to hurt the Divergent. _Oh god, Uriah... _My panic triples and if it wasn't for this stupid simulation I'd be crumpled in a ball on the ground. Christina's eyes get even wider, which I didn't think was possible, and she turns and runs out the room. _Yes, _I think _go get help, please, before any of us hurts anyone. _ We start forward again, exiting the dorm and heading for the paths that will lead us up. I guess up makes sense, up is where all the computers are, where all the data is stored. Maybe we'll have to run the simulation again, like Four did. Except they can't use Four again because... And that's when it hits me. A third realisation, I feel stupid for not thinking of before. _I am awake. _And if I'm awake, maybe I can fight it. I try to reach out my arm, to wiggle my fingers a bit and touch the wall. Nothing. I scream mentally, and go wild trying to kick, punch, wiggle, blink, scream, _move. _Not only nothing, but the simulation seems to increase in intensity and it's all I can do to hold on to my awareness. My body is still moving, stupid jerky steps up and up, when I realise that we've passed the turn off point for the computers, that we've passed the turn off point for everything except... I focus on the two people in front of me. Small, defenceless, clearly not a threat to anyone, even if they are Dauntless. Not people you'd pick for a simulation that was going to fight. They were young too, not people who'd know how to get information off a computer. People who would be missed, but not anyone who might be useful. Coming to my fourth realisation, I'm suddenly and selfishly glad that neither Uriah, or Lynn, or Zeke, or Tris or any of my other friends have to go with me. I'm devastated for the little girl, of course, and Hector certainly doesn't deserve this, but I can't muster up the emotion to feel any different. Reaching the roof, we continue walking to the edge. Are we simply going to just walk right off? But no, Kee and Hector move to stand either side of me, our bodies turning so that our backs are to the edge. Suddenly, I am worried, not about death, not about who I'll leave behind (although the thought of those things fills my entire body with dread) but about what may come after I die. My family never practised religion, but what if those who did were correct? If there is a heaven, will I still be allowed access even after everything I've done? I've killed people before, not just under simulation. Will I be punished for that, even if my intentions were good? Or will I just not exist? That's the scariest thing I could ever imagine, not existing. I feel my leg take a step backwards and my heart jumps, but my body steps onto the ledge and stays there. I think of Uriah, in my final moments, teetering on that ledge with the wind pulling at my hair and my clothes. I think of how we used to play in the Dauntless compound as kids, daring each other to do more and more ridiculous things, getting in the way of adults. I think of that day when we were both teens, climbing the statue outside school and I noticed for the first time how utterly gorgeous his eyes were. I think of all the bantering throughout initiation, leading up to that dreadful night, where he held me as I cried after waking up to finding all the Abnegation people I had killed. I think of the night we first kissed and how I felt utterly safe, and above all I think of last night, where we slept in each other's arms. Last night when he told me he loved me and I realised that I got to keep him, forever. Who knew forever only lasted a few days? I think I see more people on the roof, but my eyes aren't entirely co-operating. My mouth spews more messages at the newcomers, more than I said before, but it sounds like mush to me now. A whip of blonde hair invades my vision. Tris? But my speech has finished, and I feel the simulation jerk my muscles again. A leg, just one leg, backwards into the air, but it is enough to topple me over. Over, and at the mercy of gravity. The wind shoves back against my spine as the feeling of adrenaline I sought after so badly courses through my veins. Falling. Hair swirling. Limbs like a test dummy. All at once I am released from the simulation. My mouth opens for one last scream, but-


End file.
